It is important to start this story in the previous blog post. I believe the story really starts when we were invited to Marissa's brother's house for dinner and were so immediately accepted as family by her family. They made us feel as though we were back home in Utah having dinner with our own family.
At this point, Marissa was nervous about labor beginning so soon but eager to get things going. Her mom recommended the right essential oils to help get labor started and make her feel comfortable. After dinner, we took her for a walk to see if it might help. We agreed that it would be best if she started labor on her own and preferred that over going in on Monday to be induced. We decided that they would call us on Monday when she had gotten to the hospital got settled in and we would head over. We had previously talked about the birth plan. She had mentioned that her mom, sister, and I would be allowed in the room during delivery. I was gracious for the honor, but I told her that in the heat of the moment it was completely up to her if she wanted me there. Understandably to me, labor is a very sacred and personal event for a woman to have the privilege to do. I was somewhat a stranger and I didn't want to impose. So, we were just going to play it by ear and see what happens.
The next day, we waited with our phones in arms reach. We relaxed and had a nice Sunday while making last minute preparations and freezing meals.
Monday morning arrived and we woke up about 5am to get up and get ready. We got a call about 7 that she was there, hooked up, and very nervous. She did not like getting the IV (I don't blame her) and was trying to get some rest. We had packed a hospital bag of our own with a few personal items in case we were there for more than 12 hours. In hindsight, we should have packed a true overnight bag with everything we might need. We had a close friend on alert to come over and care for Lucy while we were gone.
The drive to the hospital was a nervous silence because we both didn't quite know what to expect once we got there. Would we sit and wait in the waiting room chairs all day? Would our son be born today?
When we arrived at the maternity ward, the hospital staff was AMAZING. I cannot say enough good things about how we were treated. Marissa's nurse, Marlene, showed us to a spare recovery room down the hall from Marissa's room that we were welcome to stay free of charge. There was a bed, couch, TV, and bathroom. See what I mean about packing our bags? I hadn't anticipated actually sleeping over so I wasn't as prepared as I should have been.
After getting settled in we went to Marissa's room to check on her progress. She wasn't feeling contractions yet but they had her hooked in to the pitocin. Her sister, Lisa, and mother were there. We stayed and chatted about a book that Carolyn had given me, The Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle. The author lays out energy profiles for people and children and once you identify your child's energy type, you can better parent them in the best way for them. We discussed our own energy type, compared children we knew, and how we were parented growing up. There was a chapter about profiling babies even in the womb. I had read through and made my best guess about what I thought the baby would be so I brought the book to read with Marissa and see what she thought. Profiling for infants is a lot about the type of movements and energy they seem to have. When I read the descriptions aloud, Marissa picked the same one I had guessed!
The morning progressed and the contractions started coming. Marissa was somewhat uncomfortable, but she said it wasn't unbearable. At about 10am We took a break to go get some drinks and when we got back her brother James had stopped in for a visit and he and Lisa were in the hallway. They informed me that the contractions had started getting words so she was getting her epiderol. Matt went back to "our room" to watch TV and eat snacks. He didn't want to make Marissa uncomfortable with him being there. I, however, was having such a great time chatting with Carolyn, James, and Lisa so I hung around. Once Marissa had the epiderol she felt fine and we all had a great time hanging out and talking. We kept our eyes on the monitor screen so we could see when she was having contractions and watch the baby's heart rate. We made all kinds of inferences about what the squiggles meant, but we really had no idea.
Once James' wife, LaRee showed up, the party got started. She had such a fun energy. She showed us a game on her phone called Heads Up. One person puts the phone their forehead and starts. The screen flashes words in the selected category and the people in the room have to try to get them to say it. There is a timer to count-down the round. The best part is that the phone video records the players so you can watch it after the round is up. During one round, Lisa had the phone and LaRee was sitting in front of me. When LaRee would try to explain the words, I was acting them out in the background. A few times, Lisa guessed it before LaRee even said anything and she said, "Wait, how did you know that?" When we watched the video afterward she could see me making all kinds of crazy movements behind her. When we played the round with music, none of us could hum tunes better than Marissa. My favorite memory will be of Marissa in her hospital bed, singing songs through her oxygen mask. Doug, Marissa's gentleman, came to visit for a bit. We had such a great time, laughed until we cried, and many inside jokes were created during that game: When Lisa said, "Happy" and LaRee fallowed it with "Giiiiilmore". Everyone taking bets on what weight the baby will be. The ice chips that Marissa was eating were nicknamed Ice Cookies. Marissa said that her focal point all day was to get some Chow Mein noodles as soon as she delivers.
Matt and I will always treasure the hour we spent with Lisa, LaRee, and Carolyn in the hospital cafeteria at lunch. We talked about what a blessing it was for us to have found each other and that we were so grateful that everyone had such a supportive and positive energy to Marissa giving us the baby. They told us how the hospital staff was made aware of the adoption when they arrived and they were almost surprised at how everyone seemed so happy. I would love for the world to know what a beautiful and unique experience our adoption story is, but it is the ideal story if more people are aware of what it could be.
Meanwhile, Marissa was progressing quite nicely. She was dilating 1 more cm about each hour of the day. At this timeline, we could expect to see little baby arrive about 7 or 8pm. By evening, she was dilated enough to start pushing. Lisa had Dr. Huff deliver her boys, 2 of them in that very room, so she told us how it was going to go. She said when Dr. Huff arrived, it was all going to move so fast and we better be ready. I was told I would be able to stand in the back corner, and Matt could stand in the room hallway behind the curtain. When the baby was placed under the heater, he could step out from the curtain and "cut" the cord (or trim the cord). We were getting excited and nervous! Marissa took a few minutes to lay down and try to relax so she wouldn't get too anxious. She was shaking from nerves, and I will admit, so was I.
The nurse, Marlene, had to give her shift over to a new nurse and she was really sad to have spent the whole day with us only to miss the climax. She had become a key character in our story. She left it up to Wendy with the beautiful lashes. When it was time to push, Dr. Huff was attending to an emergency in the OR. So, Wendy got things started. Marissa could feel her legs tingle and the pressure, but she wasn't feeling pain. Lisa and LaRee took positions on either side of her bed. They petted and stroked her head. LaRee played and placed her hair after each contraction. As I stood in the corner watching, I was overcome with pride and emotion. I have so much love for this incredible woman and the amazing strength she showed. Every time she practiced pushing, I stood on my tippy toes and stopped breathing. During one of the rests, Marissa looked back at me saying, "How are you doing over there, Courtney?" and my eyes were filled with tears. She said, "Oh no, don't do that, I was doing just fine." We couldn't help ourselves, we all cried.
It got to the point where the baby's head was crowning so the nurse called to have the doctor sent in. He told her he was on his way. Everyone assumed this meant he'd be there in a few minutes so we waited. The nurses started chatting about how much they love Ross and get good deals on dresses. It was all so very casual and I knew Matt was behind the curtain a nervous wreck. What he must have thought about us chatting about good deals on clothes and shoes!
It turns out the doctor wasn't a few minutes away. He was actually in another hospital down the road. So, 20+ minutes later he showed up to deliver the baby. Lisa was right. As soon as he showed up, got strapped into his gear, he got her pushing again. I got a peek at his head as he got ready to come out. I had imagined that his head would be out, then a few more pushes and his body next. No, it all happened so fast! Before I could blink the doctor was announcing he was out and I could see him being placed on Marissa's chest. Otto Joshua was born at 8:20pm! I know I squealed at least once. His arms were outstretched as if to say, "WHAT!? just happened?" I got my camera out of my pocket and started snapping photos as fast as I could while I was openly sobbing. Meanwhile, Matt was behind the curtain listening to the whole event with matched emotion and tears.
They brought him over to the heater and I attempted to video while Matt snipped the cord. I could see Marissa's face beaming with joy. He barely cried, but for a few squeals and squeaks. He was pink, long and skinny, and so beautiful. They got him rubbed down, weighed, measured, and wrapped up. Somewhere during this time I hopped back over to Marissa to give her a big hug and thank her and tell her what an amazing super-woman she was.
"Who wants to take him back to Mommy?" someone said. I said, "I do!" So, I held him for the first time. I brought him back over to Marissa. There were so many cameras snapping photos in there, it was like the red carpet.
The rest of the night was a blur. The nurses walked us through his first bath. Marissa's friends stopped in with gifts and congratulations. James ran out to Panda Express before they closed to get some noodles. They were closing up and the noodles were old so he asked the guy cook up more fresh. He sent a picture back to us saying #hopehedoesn'tspitinit. Marissa got her noodles. She had a fairly easy labor and delivery so she was grateful saying, "I would do that all over again over being pregnant for 9 months."
By then, it was about 11pm. Marissa was going to keep Otto in the room with her for the night so she could give him a few of his first feedings and he could get the colostrum that he needed. We decided that it might be best for us to spend the night in our own bed so we could make sure Lucy was ok and get a good night's rest. It was easier said than done. It was all I could do to pry Matt away so everyone could get settled into bed for the night.
We packed a better overnight bag and came back the next morning. Otto had tried breastfeeding, but ultimately spend the last half of the night with the nurses being bottle fed so Marissa could get some sleep. He spent the morning with her and we took him back to "our room" intermittently throughout the day. Marlene was back to show us great tips on burping, swaddling, and diaper changing. Matt was honored to changed his first "black tar" diaper and it only took about 20 wipes!
Otto spent the night with Marissa as we were told they would be discharged the next (Wednesday) morning. The next morning we were told that the pediatrician wouldn't be in to sign the discharge paperwork until 1:30pm. So, we got a little more time to hang out and get acquainted. We took about 100 more pictures each. We welcomed more visitors, friends of Marissa, and one random elderly woman that no one knew but she came to take a peek at the baby. Our caseworker, Randy, came to wait with us and see how things were going. We expressed to him how close we had all become in the few days we'd spent in the hospital together.
After Otto's final hearing test, the pediatrician's visit, and lunch, we were able to get him ready to take home. We presented Marissa with a photo album we had made of all the pictures we had taken while at the hospital. She presented Otto with his take-home outfit and got him dressed to say goodbye. I had imagined this moment with anxiety at the intense emotion we would feel. I usually mask strong feelings with light humor. I didn't want Marissa to feel heartbroken and I hope that she didn't. I had anticipated that I would feel sad for her, while feeling such happy feelings for us. When we had given hugs goodbye, made arrangements to meet the next night for the signing of the placement papers at James' house, and gotten in the car to drive away, I burst into tears. I was almost surprised at myself. I wasn't feeling quite like I had thought. What I was feeling most was homesick for Marissa! I actually just missed her! I had gotten so used to being next to her for 2 days and sharing Otto with her that I didn't want it to end. I expressed it to Matt, feeling a little ridiculous. I said, "I want to text her right now."
Our first night with Otto by ourselves was nearly bliss. I got up with him during the night since Matt was going to be doing a lot of driving the next day. I talked to him about his Tummy Mommy and apologized to him for not having her great singing voice. I tried him out in the infant seat, swing, bassinet, pack and play, and baby carrier to see what he liked best. He loved to be held, so the baby carrier was his favorite.
Luckily, we got to see everyone again the next night. We had to sign the placement papers exactly 72 hours after birth, so we met at 8:00 pm on Thursday night. We arrived with Half-Baked ice cream for everyone as well as car seat and diaper bag in tow. We presented Marissa with her "birth mother gift", an Origami Owl necklace with 3 charms: O for Otto, a music note, and baby boy feet. I plan on adding to it over time.I am happy to share our experience with anyone willing to hear our story. I think it should be clear that adoption is not a bad or scary word. I credit our incredible connection with how supportive and positive Marissa and her family chose to view it. We wanted to be a part of an open adoption to allow our son the opportunity to have a large, loving, extended family. We chose to view this like a marriage of families, much like a wedding. I am so grateful to have the experience of being in the room when he was born. We were bonded to our son, and so to all of his family that comes with him. I can honestly say that he was brought into a room filled with more love that any baby would be lucky enough to have. We are so grateful to them, and especially Marissa. She is my hero, and my sister, and I expect to see her conquer the world.
