July 2018- Homecoming

The twins were here! I looked like a blimp! The swelling from IV fluids after recovering from c-section was no joke. On July 2nd, I was discharged from the hospital and left for the first time in 7 weeks!
It felt so strange to get in the van with Matt and drive OFF THE HOSPITAL GROUNDS!
It wasn't until I got home, in my bedroom, that I looked around at our empty house and broke down crying. Part of me was relieved that I was finally home and was going to spend the night in my own bed, but the rest of me was extremely sad that all 3 of my boys were not with us. After all this time, all I wanted was to see our family under one roof again. I cried for a few hours. It wasn't the best thing because now my body AND my face was swelled up beyond recognition. You'd think I would get good rest, but alas I had to pump every 3 hours.
We had to get up the next morning and head back to the hospital to get milk to the babies and visit them. We were hoping Atticus would get to come home if he passed his "car seat test" the night before. I had a very difficult time finding something to wear. Matt said, "Don't worry about it. Just throw something on so we can go." I replied, "No, you don't understand. This isn't a girly 'I have nothing to wear' kind of thing. I literally have nothing in the closet that fits me. Even my maternity clothes won't go over my swollen legs'. These were dark times.
So, I looked absolutely terrible, wore dark sunglasses and sweat pants, but we got the hospital anyway and spent all day with both babies in the NICU. Atticus was ready to come home (Yay),  but Vincent still needed to prove he could take enough milk from a bottle. He was very reliant on the feeding tube and stayed asleep during feedings.
Atticus was still under 5lbs when he came home and we had only a few preemie outfits for him. We had to stop in at Buy Buy Baby and gather a solid $200 worth of clothes for the both of them. I knew they'd only be in them for a few weeks, but they had to wear something until they put on some weight.
We spent another holiday, the 4th of July, un-celebrated. We had Atticus at home and getting used to his new surroundings. We listened to the fireworks go off outside as we tucked ourselves away in bed. We talked to Otto on the phone as he got ready to watch fireworks with Nana and Papa and Megan and Coltan. Again, I was a little sad to be missing this memory with Otto.
The next week and half was very exciting and very difficult. Otto came home to stay, we had one tiny newborn, and the other was in the hospital. We had to make arrangements to spend as much time as possible at the hospital to see Vincent. Otto wasn't allowed to see him until we provided the proper paperwork. Some days we were there for 1 or 2 feeding times only.
We had visits from Grandma and Grandpa to come and visit the babies. They had a chance to come into the NICU to hold each baby. Grandma Becky was very excited to see them and I know she would have come back every day if she could.





Sometime later, Uncle Coltan got to come visit and see Vincent in the NICU and hold Atticus in the waiting room while I was attending to feedings. My sister, Megan was there with me for one of the days to help hold babies while I pumped and kept me company. I was so glad for the extra help and company while going through such a difficult time.



One day, I took Atticus with me alone and I spent the entire day feeding and pumping in the NICU. I think it helped a lot to teach Vincent how to breastfeed and he was one step closer to coming home.
Part of me worried that it would last forever, even when I knew it wouldn't. I felt desperate for Vincent to be home so we could all relax and at home together and be done with the hospital. I remember one day I held him in the NICU rocking chair, looked up at the sky in the window, and blessed him with all the energy I could collect from the Sun to let him be healthy and come home.







Eventually, he did.


















We had all 3 boys with us driving home from the hospital for the last time and we stopped at Hoppers in Midvale for lunch to celebrate.
If you thought having twin newborns sounds hard, it was SO much easier when they were both in one place to care for. Having Vincent in the hospital was so hard that everything else felt like a piece of cake.
The next few weeks we had to get used to new routines. We learned how to manage double of everything and care for these two tiny little humans. My mom came to stay a few days each week and help us. They were up at night every few hours and we took turns having them in our room. They slept together in the bassinet in our room or in the crib together with my mom. She would bring them in when they woke up to eat. I would try and feed them together as much as possible with the Brest friend pillow.

Matt returned to work a little bit at a time not long after Vincent came home. He had felt like he had gotten to know Atticus but he wasn't ready to leave Vincent without having bonded with him. He changed diapers during the night to help me get a little more sleep. He was working on his own recovery during this time and had a few setbacks, but he was doing much better overall. He was glad to have everyone home.



My own recovery was going well. I had a little trouble moving around but the swelling had begun to go down (finally) and I was slowly fitting into wearable clothes again. Breastfeeding and pumping was exhausting, but I was glad that it was coming along so well. I had little discomfort and it was a great feeling to know the babies were being well fed. I was learning how to handle both as I fed and burped each myself.










I had a visit from one of my very favorite Arizona friends, Sarah. She has been through every bit of our journey to make a family and played an important role in support. She was a welcome sight to stop by and offer some company while holding a baby. While Atticus slept in her arms, he kept groaning every time she'd stop patting his bum. He is a baby that does not hesitate to tell you how he feels!







Otto was settling into being a big brother so well. He was a little caught off guard at the sharing of attention, but he loved being a helper. We named him, "The Binki Hunter" to look for a pacifier whenever one was needed. I taught him where all the diapers were stashed and he would run to get one if I asked. He also loved to hold a baby in the chair. He would say, "I haven't held a baby today!"

I did not shy away from small trips out of the house. I had been cooped up in the hospital for too long to allow that! With my mom here to help, we took walks and small trips. We went to the mall, to the farmer's market, the splash pad, or anywhere that we could take the stroller. It felt so good to finally be free and enjoy what was left of the Summer!
















And so, we had survived our first month with newborn twins! After everything we'd been through the past year, it was a pleasure to be home again with all 3 boys and our family could start to heal and move forward.

Even with several sleepless nights, I wanted to soak every minute of these two tiny treasures and one amazing boy we had been blessed with.